I have decided.

My life's mission is to travel the world, write and attain a beach goddess body with a honey complexion cinnamon tan, wind swept hair and sunkissed rosy cheeks and of course be a very good dancer (sarcastic haha)

But seriously :/ Friday is my last exam, then I'm posted to an electroplating lab (in some forbidden shipyard) for my internship. 

Hopefully, I'll find some inspiration to write.

Somedays I feel really down, somedays I feel on cloud 9. Somedays I want to fall in love with you, somedays I want out. Some nights I want to dance dance dance alcohol dance dance dance, some nights I just want to be asleep in your room. People come, people go. Bad times, good times. It don't matter cause you win some, you lose some.

It's wonderful to experience a myriad of emotions. In short, I love life. 

Merry Christmas everyone!

On second thoughts, I feel more comfortable using my blogger rather then LJ.
http://celapheis.blogspot.com

I'm still using this LJ to read entries though. But feel free to cut me, I may not be a very good commenter.

I'm disappointed with myself.

I think as a child, music was one thing I had somewhat more aptitude then others for; but I never really appreciated it until now.

I regret all those years moaning about having to play piano everyday and having to drag myself to piano lessons when all I wanted to do was play gameboy and playstation haha. If I really appreciated what I was given, from my hearing to a really good piano teacher, I secretly think I would be extremely good right now, unlike the horrible condition I am in.

I've been trying to salvage everything recently.

I've been playing piano more often. I've lost the strength I once had in all of my fingers, lost everything completely in my ring fingers but I'm going to try to get it back. I wish I didn't go on some 3 year hiatus. Now, I'm really feeling the payback.

A week ago, I sat in the middle of uptown and wrote a few stanzas I heard (in my mind) about the life of Bangladeshi workers in my diary. (G minor)

I'm not pleased with any of it. I think this holiday, I shall take some time out to go observe them and really brush up on my horrible piano playing and theory because it's really hindering me from doing more.

Things to achieve by end of holiday (I will slowly cross them off when I'm done) 3 weeks

1. Autumn Crocus - Billy Mayerl
2. Arabesque No. 1 in E - Debussy
3. No. 2 of Five Hungarian Folksong (yay!) - Liszt
4. Read up all my basic theory
5. Read up/explore the music of the Baroque and Classical period
6. Blue in Green - Miles Davis (I really want to play this very well)
7. Replace all my guitar strings

It's going to take more then 3 weeks. But small steps at a time before I move further.

I have a sore throat and it's killing me, because I need chili in my system now now now

Yay for photobooth making me look aged haha! (i find it amusing) ( Picture cut, I'd be camwhoring )


Every morning I wake up under my (Alphabet) blanket, struggling to find light within the sheets.

I claw my way through the darkness, following the faint sound of my sister's steady breathing. The air-conditioning and fan whirr noisily - E minor, Toccata and Fugue. In seconds (in eternity), I reach the far end of the cushioned realm and carelessly fall further down into the spiraling darkness. I am not afraid - I let myself fall, until I hit the hard parquet floor.

It is in that moment of pain, I finally see the sunshine.

----

In a matter of weeks, so much has changed. I've burnt enough bridges - the scent of lingering smoke trail me like passing shadows.

Some people I regret I have done wrong to (Chong Hui, I'm really sorry), some people I have absolutely no regret leaving behind.

I think I must get out of this city. I cannot stand living here anymore, each day passes and I watch myself become more jaded. My reflection tells me I'm becoming like the caricatures of all the demons I used to hate. I walk the streets and look at all the faceless people - there is no real semblance of good or bad anymore.

This city is dripping with dank morality; I am a fucking prostitute and nazi like everyone else.

I drag my tired body to look at the sea.

To watch the bulidings from afar close in, hear the laughter of children (will you be friends forever?), and watch a mother prepare a picnic spread (what is family?) (?)

I hear the sound of the waves, steady and incessant, her foamy waves drenching the parched shore. When I look into the blue horizon, the sea meets the sky, to me, it is the most beautiful place in the entire world. I turn away and shift my gaze on the calm salty water, watching a rotted plank of wood drift about lazily. I feel the wind kiss me; have hope, she says.

I am determined to fight the odds that never seem to change.


PS: I think I'm going to keep updating this lj still, it's easier that way too to read all the friends entries haha. I'm fickle D:

I don't want to mess up my blogspot so I'm putting this here.

All these online quizzes (true or not true), really is some sort of consolation since I'm feeling very lousy because no matter how hard I try, I never seem to understand as fast as my classmates at school, and argh exams :(

aha! one step below universal genius >_>

I think I won't update here anymore, but I'm definitely keeping this livejournal to read all my friends entries (so don't cut me as of yet!)/online shopping.

I have a blogspot now - http://celapheis.blogspot.com 

Exams are next week, hence my inactivity!  But I'll be back in a fortnight :D Gotta get into mugger mode! 

And a shoutout to dhanauranji

Thank you for your message! It really brought a big smile on my face (I swear), good luck for your exams too!
I'm glad I got to know you :)

 I didn't really have a good birthday, not that it matters. 

I think the only reason why I look forward to my birthday is to use it as an excuse to see select so called few best friends friends, ironically the people that ended up really celebrating it, presents and all aren't them. It's been disappointment and disappointment year after year. Maybe I'm just sad that in the end, my other friends who I don't hold so dear, treat me alot better. 

On the bright side, I just checked out the game Deadspace, looks pretty good (I quite like FPS games). 

I think it's time I put my XBOX 360 to good use.

Games I want

1. Deadspace
2. 99 Nights
3. Bioshock
4. COD 4
5. ORANGE BOX!!! 

In a fortnight, I should go get a part-time job. I think it'll be nice to have some extra pocket money to buy clothes, games and other misc stuff. 

Haha my dad gave me $100 on friday its all gone now. Spent on food. I feel like smacking myself, I really wanted to buy some new clothes, so all the more I will get that job once my exams end :D

Tomorrow is my birthday but I'll make my wish today.

I hope I win millions in the lottery, and find myself pregnant with a baby girl. I'll marry David, and we'll run off to a faraway country. I'll give birth to her, call her Elyse or some other beautiful name, raise her, give her the best and love her more then anyone else in the universe. I'll make sure she grows up to be a strong, confident young lady and do every bit I can to protect her and always be there for her. 



Honestly, I hate my birthday. David is my sunshine on this day. The 4 people who matter most to me, always disappoint me year after year after year.

Name: Eli
Date: 11/19/2008
Colorgenics Number: 12403765

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are full of stress at this time. It would seem that you are having more than your fair share of trials and tribulations and you are looking for a way out. You are not quite sure which way to go but the advice is - 'Stop trying so hard'.

Everything seems to have gone wrong and the situation at this time is such that you are not quite sure which way to turn. So it would appear that you are 'holding back', re-consolidating your position and relinquishing all fun and games for the time being.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.



Somehow although I think tests like these usually are too general (anyone can relate to it) and broad to really pin-point a persons situation/psychological profile, this one seems to have some truth in it.  

This afternoon in my medicine induced dreams, I went far into the deep blue sea, to meet the Marrow. I remember him holding onto my tiny calloused hands, and leading me down a series of never-ending steps to the bottom of the ocean (said he.)


Along the way we overheard a conversation between a mottled green turtle and a little blue oyster.

I regret I can't remember the conversation very well, but have done my best to replicate it.

" I concur!" said the little oyster. For to tiny him (and the mottled green turtle), the sound of the ocean was deafening and terrifying, like a thousand stampeding elephants in crescendo with the noisy afternoon savannah.

" We must be brave! And we shall, no we must! find the heart of the ocean and ask her to make it less deafening. But do you think she would grant our wish?" said the mottled green turtle.

And then with a blink of an eye, they were no more.

----

The bottom of the ocean is an empty place ("like our hearts is it not?" said the Marrow)

There is nothing here, except another sea, a strange dark oily watery abyss that leads to the heart of the earth.

" It is the most beautiful place, more beautiful then heaven they say," the Marrow whispers to me, " but to go there, one must forsake their soul and eternal life. "

We pause to look into the churning black sea.

The Marrow and I watch the dark waves break onto shore over and over again until I wake up.

 I'm feeling pretty sick right now, will be a better lj friend when I get better. 

I need a job. Maybe I should go work at the Korean restaurant where they wear the traditional Korean costumes at work.

I wish l could live in somewhere simpler. I'd love to have a child at this age, then again it's expensive and I have to study.



Dear big daddy in the sky,

If you are there, can you make me a country girl? I promise to be good and weed daily, look at the sky, pick apples from the trees, sift the soil, feed the chickens, clean the barn and play with the sheep. When it rains I would bring in the animals and wear my raincoat and boots and go dancing in the rain! And also I would be very nice to the vegetables and promise to eat all vegetables daily and not use mean insecticides that poison people who buy my produce :(

It's pretty ironic, but in my heart, I hate the city so much. I just want to be back with nature. (ok I know it sounds pretty lame)

I encourage everyone to go watch REC for a good scare. I'm a seasoned horror movie buff, but REC is scariest yet. It's the first movie I've ever watched that really set my heart pounding like crazy even after the show.

I despise you. Not only are you bad looking and are very short (which means you have a sad gene pool), also you are mean and terrible.

I don't deserve to be treated like a social experiment, just because I'm more dreamy and have alot more different thoughts.
At least my thoughts are original and I don't feel the need to quote every damn book or poem every written, and act all pseudo-intellectual about everything.

I don't have mood swings like you, and you're a guy >:(
A guy with a period 365 days!

And also you look like a cockroach!



AND YOU WOULD BE A SMALL COCKROACH BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO BE AMONGST THE LOWER ECHEOLON OF COCKROACHES! >: ( your only use would be to find YUCKY BITS OF SOAP and DIRTY FOOD for the BIG ROACHES. Also because you not as genetically good as the big cockroaches you will have no mates and get all the yucky food! hmph!

YOU ARE A MEAN MAN.





I feel so much better after ranting :D
whew.

Yesterday, Sid and I were taking a walk through Paragon, looking at all the branded watches/clothing shops that we would never afford at this age. Honestly, it's amazing the psychological value people attach to branded goods. 

After that, had a good long talk about life at NYDC. I think NYDC has an effect on us, seeing that on both occasions we've been there, we spend a total of 2+ hours musing about life more then concentrating on our food.


That aside, I keep forgetting to share (? I hope its helpful/useful).

I think I've found really useful shoes.
Ironically, I bought it 2nd hand at $12.

It makes one 7 cm taller! 167 + 7 = 174cm 
Legs also look longer and slimmer! :))



They look alot like Nana Rocking-horse Shoes no?

( Cut for happy illusion of longer legs. I think this better go under the cut. You have been warned! (it could be bad?) ) On a sidenote, I must go find a hobby. I think it'll be nice to find a girly hobby and make more girlfriends with similar interests. Sometimes all the testerone in my life is driving me mad.